First Night
by seriously.preoccupied
Summary: Ten II/Rose. Their life together after they are left at Bad Wolf Bay by Donna and the 10th Doctor, beginning with the first night.
1. First Night

They hadn't said much of anything to each other since they left Dårlig Ulv-Stranden. The new Doctor was slightly concerned, but not overly worried, because Rose had not let go of his hand since he took hers after the TARDIS left. She held it in the car Pete had sent to bring them to the airport, where a private zeppelin was waiting. She held it on the zeppelin, as Jackie chatted away and showed the Doctor pictures of Tony and every major event in his life thus far – major events comprising everything from his first words to the first time he ate a cracker in the kitchen with overalls on.

Rose held this new Doctor's hand so tight, because she wanted to be sure he was really still there. She couldn't quite look at him, but she didn't for a second want to forget that he was there, next to her, and that this time he wouldn't leave her. She held his hand so tight that his one heart could not continue to pump blood into it. He waited to tell her this for as long as he could, and when he finally said something about "that's a little too tight," she startled, gasped, and quickly withdrew her hand like his had suddenly turned to fire. "But don't stop," he said, quietly and sincerely, looking directly and intensely into her eyes for the first time since they were on the beach. She met his eyes for a moment and her heart skipped a beat – or several – and her breath caught in her throat, but she quickly looked away, out the zeppelin window. She couldn't take that intensity just yet. Nevertheless, her hand settled back on his, more gently this time.

She didn't let go of his hand until they were outside the door of the guesthouse of the Tyler mansion, where Rose had been living. Pete had had to give her the key - she hadn't thought she would need it again. They stood awkwardly for a moment at the door, still hand-in-hand, not wanting to let go, until Rose said, slightly embarrassed,

"Well, shall I open the door then?"

"Oh yeah, go ahead."

"I need my hand."

"Oh, of course, yeah, funny that."

Rose let them in. The house was small, one room, with a double bed opposite the door, an open kitchen to the left and a bathroom to the right. Because it was the only place to sit, the Doctor parked himself on the edge of the bed. Rose breathlessly asked, "Tea?" and started rustling around the bare kitchen, digging out dusty mugs and searching cupboard corners for spare teabags.

"No," said the Doctor, watching her. "Yeah, me either," said Rose, as she stopped the futile search, but kept pacing about the small house, ill at ease and unable to settle herself.

"Please sit," the Doctor said gently. She kept pacing. "I'll let you squeeze my hand to death again."

With this awful joke, Rose smiled, a little tearfully, and came to sit next to him on the bed, close but not touching, her hands clenched between her legs so he would not reach out to touch her just yet.

"Say something." she asked him, tears starting to brim in her eyes.

"Banana."

She smiled and punched him in the arm.

"Ow! That hurt!" the Doctor said sounding surprised. "Ok then, Rose Tyler." Returning to a more serious mood, he took a deep breath, and looked at her closely, one eyebrow up, as Rose looked down at her hands. "It's ok to mourn him."

Rose let out a sob, and let a few tears fall, but she lifted her head and nodded. "I know," she said as she tried to wipe her tears away.

"And it's ok to mourn him, and still love me," the Doctor added.

"Is it?"

"Yes. But I know it takes time. I can go back to the mansion, I'm sure they have a stuffy old couch I can sleep on, I do love stuffy old couches…"

"No!" Rose interjected, vehemently. "No, don't go! Stay here, please?" Rose said, a begging hint in her voice.

"Absolutely," the Doctor replied, love and hope filling his heart and his voice. He took his thumb and wiped a tear off her cheek, and then swept her hair back behind her ears. Rose looked up at him, finally meeting his gaze, as his hand rested on the side of her face. That face had stayed in his mind all the time he missed her, no matter how hard he tried to distract himself from it. He smiled his beautiful smile, and Rose's heart leapt.

"So, now what?" Rose asked.

"We could play a board game or something. I like board games. You know, that's what the TARDIS needed, board games for those long trips. You know the Boflican play chess with frozen cut-off fingers?"

"Shut up," Rose said, the same way she always did. She said it softly, and a little sensuously, her eyes drifting from the Doctor's deep brown eyes to his lips.

The Doctor smiled, and then Rose sat impossibly still as the Doctor, with the most gentle, light touch, kissed her, on her face, everywhere there had been a tear – her cheek below the eye, the tip of her nose, the edge of her mouth, her jaw line. He continued to her neck, more light, brief kisses, but with erotic intention slipping more and more into each one. Rose shivered.

"I can stop if you want," this more human, more lustful Doctor whispered.

"Shut up, you tosser," Rose replied, as she shifted her body towards him, moving in closer and lifting a hand up to the back of his head, where her fingers could play in his great, great hair. She pulled his head up and they looked at each other, their faces mere millimeters away, as they breathed heavily, slightly scared but excited about this new dimension of their relationship. The Doctor moved in closer to meet her lips, and the kiss started slow, but accelerated as Rose wrapped her arms around the Doctor to pull him in tightly to her.

They began to kiss more quickly and passionately, their lips pressing together, their tongues exploring each other's mouths more deeply, more desperately than they had at the beach. They held each other as tightly as they could, not wishing to have any more space between them than it was possible to have.

They leaned back onto the bed, Rose lying down, with the Doctor lying on his side, next to her and leaning over her to continue the kiss, as his hand rested lightly at her waist.

Pulling away just slightly, their lips still brushed up against each other, the Doctor asked, "are you sure about this?" not wanting to rush her or impose his newfound sexual desire on her.

"Never more sure in my life," she said, and she grabbed his head while reaching up to kiss him again. Sure of consent, the Doctor started moving his hands places he never thought his hands would go. The hand at her waist slowly wandered and caressed downward, first feeling her hips, her lovely hips that always looked so good in stretchy black pants. He absorbed every detail, like how hard her hipbone felt against the heel of his hand. He lifted her shirt just a little so he could touch her skin, feel what temperature it was, how smooth it was, how it had just the right amount of give to it. Then to her thigh, so he could feel its circumference, how rounded it was, how much of it he could reach around with his hand. He then moved to the back and up a little to her butt (also, glorious in those pants).

Rose almost wanted to laugh. She would be lying to herself if she said that she'd never imagined, fantasized really, about herself in this kind of situation with the Doctor, but still, it was hard to think of him in that way. To think of the Doctor wanting her, not for her mind, or her sense of adventure, or her kind heart, but for her body. It was strange, but it turned her on all the more.

"What?" the Doctor asked. Clearly her thinking had distracted her and made her a less engaging kissing partner. "Too fast? Do you want me to stop?"

"No, it's just… do you really want me?"

"What?"

"Do you want me?"

"Oh, Rose Tyler," he said, kissing her lightly several times. "You silly, wonderful human girl." She cleared her throat. "Woman, sorry." More kisses, then he pulled away, to look at her seriously and say with earnest, "I want you, very, very much." He swept in for a long, passionate kiss, physical proof of his statement, before pulling away and asking, "Why? Do you want me?"

"Always," she replied, and she pulled him in towards her again, resuming the kiss and vowing not to let the newness of the situation distract her from how wonderful it was to be getting what she'd wanted for so long, but thought she could never have.

Their mutual desire established, the Doctor continued to touch her in places neither of them ever thought he would, as Rose watched him approvingly. The Doctor explored the curve under her arms, that led so perfectly to her breasts. He cupped them in his hands, felt the perfect weight of them. Rose groaned ever so faintly. As she thought of more places she wanted him to touch her, and places she wanted to touch him, she felt, pressed against her leg, a hardness from him that she'd never felt before.

"Hello, Doctor," Rose whispered in a mock scandalous tone, her tongue sticking out teasingly between her teeth. The Doctor blushed and smiled abashedly, embarrassed by his human body's reaction. This adorable gesture only made Rose want him more. She lunged, kissing him ferociously and turning onto her side so that they could press their bodies together face to face.

"You're… wearing… entirely… too many clothes," Rose managed to get out between kisses, as she struggled to get his suit jacket off. It was amazing how good his body looked in just that tight red t-shirt. She caressed his torso, over the shirt, and then lifted it slightly to get an admiring glimpse of his lanky frame. Then her hand wandered to the bulge in his pants, and she stroked the growing cock inside, giving it a little squeeze, to see what his reaction would be. He groaned ever so softly.

The Doctor removed Rose's jacket, her tank top, and bra, which he had trouble with. "You can drive a TARDIS, but you can't…" Rose teased. "Shhhut up," responded the Doctor, a little flustered. As he finally got the bra off and flung it across the room he shouted "Ah!" triumphantly, as he so often did when he'd solved a complex problem.

He paused to admire her breasts. "Stunning," he whispered, and he proceeded to gently kiss, tongue and fondle each nipple, leaving Rose whimpering, before he returned to her mouth to explore it with his tongue.

While still kissing, Rose undid the button and fly of the Doctor's pants and he helped by kicking the pants off. The Doctor wasn't wearing underwear, which made Rose smile (typical Time Lord, too busy saving the world to worry about underwear). She touched his cock, which was long and skinny like he was. The skin was smooth and it felt perfect and cool in her hand. The Doctor closed his eyes in appreciation of her touch.

She ran her fingers up and down his cock's length, tickled the tip, and then closed her hand around it and stroked. Simultaneously, the Doctor moved his hands to Rose's pants, undid the button so he could slip his hand inside. He teased her, stroking her hair, feeling her opening and its wetness but not touching that spot just yet, as Rose groaned in anticipation. When the Doctor finally put his finger on her clit, she closed her eyes and sighed, so deeply. The Doctor sucked on her neck as he rubbed and flicked at her pleasure spot, and she half-moaned, half-yelled, "mmmahh!" She kept touching him as well, stroking him faster and faster as her own intense pleasure sped up her hand. The Doctor kissed and licked down her body – her shoulder, her collarbone – he lingered at her breasts, once again flicking his tongue on her nipples as he caressed her mounds, making her gasp in ecstasy.

He continued down, breaking her contact with his hard-on – he just couldn't take it anymore, didn't want to finish yet, wanted this to last as long as it possibly could. He kissed down her stomach, flatter than it used to be, and he roughly pulled down her pants and her underwear and flung them across the room.

Positioning himself above her, with his face confronting her throbbing, wet cunt, he murmured appreciatively, "Oh, Rose Tyler, you are beautiful," and he lightly kissed the spot he'd just been rubbing. "Mm, mmmmmm," was her reaction. The Doctor explored, separating her lips and licking in between, teasing her by breaking to kiss the sensitive inner part of her thigh, before returning in earnest to pleasuring her with his tongue. He flicked her clit lightly at first, then ran his tongue in circles around it, slowly at first and then faster. Rose didn't know if he'd done anything like this before – if he had, presumably it had been a long time, a few hundred years at least – but he seemed to know, just by instinct, or just through his own desire to know her body, exactly what to do.

Rose felt herself close to the edge, but she did not want to come yet – she wanted to save that, wanted it to happen together, when they were as close as they could possibly be. She pulled him up to her face and kissed him, tasting, even licking her own juices off his face and mouth – she always liked her own taste. She reached down to touch his cock and position it between her legs. She let the tip brush past her entry, where she was dripping from desire. She then tilted it forward to rub the tip against her clit, sliding her twat wetly up and down his length and squeezing and stroking it with her hand.

The Doctor's eyes rolled back in his head as his eyelids closed, and he grunted, low and gruff, "you feel so good… mmuh so warm…" Rose could feel him breathing heavily, his one heart racing – this must be so much for a new body to take in. She paused and he looked at her, placing one hand on the side of her face. They just stopped, and he looked into her eyes, lovingly, and smiled, oh, so beautifully. She smiled too and bit her lower lip, so unbelievably happy, still so amazed, in disbelief almost, that her Doctor (well, close enough) was in her bed, was holding her, in a way she never thought he would.

"Gimme that," he said of the lower lip caught in her teeth, and he kissed that lip, sucked on it, nibbled it, catching it between his own teeth. Rose giggled a little. She responded, reaching her tongue out to run along his lips, to enter his mouth and explore it, to deepen the kiss. She felt the Doctor's cock throb, parting her lower lips, pausing at her gate.

They stopped to look at each other again, the Doctor looking into her eyes as if to ask, "ready?" She stared back and nodded imperceptively. She took a deep breath, and they kept eye contact, wanting to observe each other's reactions, and the Doctor slowly pushed inside her, just the tip at first, wanting to savor that initial entry. He groaned a little, then slid, inch by inch, deeper in. With a last and slightly quicker thrust, the Doctor pushed all the way inside her, and they both gasped as he reached her depths. They clasped each other close, just pausing there, breathing heavily into each other's ears, holding each other as they delighted in that most sublime of moments. The Doctor lifted his torso a little, propping himself on his arms, on either side of Rose's head. He looked down at her as he withdrew his cock a little to thrust back in again. First the thrusts were slow and deliberate, slower than their breaths, both Rose and the Doctor gasping and groaning just a little with each one.

Rose reached her hand up to the Doctor's face, to his hair, to his chest. She teared up just a little, from happiness, from being overwhelmed with love, and she said, like she did the first, awful time at Bad Wolf Bay, "I love you." "And I love you, Rose Tyler," the Doctor said, just as earnestly, deliberately, knowing how much the words meant finally coming from his lips. They kissed, sweetly but passionately, and the Doctor, giving in to their bodies' urgent desires, began thrusting faster.

As they pushed into each other, faster and faster, they clung to each other, frantically caressing and kissing and biting each other's shoulders, necks, ears, and lips. Their speed was starting to reach a fever pitch, and neither wanting their pleasure to end so soon, they paused and repositioned themselves. They sat up, Rose straddling the Doctor's lap, keeping him inside her, going even deeper. His hands splayed on her back, he supported her and pressed their torsos together as they moved up and down in sync. Rose threw her head back, blond hair flying, and the Doctor sucked on her clavicle, moving down to kiss and lick her breasts.

This continued until their bodies reached a mutual understanding, and without saying a word, they both knew the other was close to climaxing. They lay back down, on their sides, her legs wrapped around him so he could continue to fuck her, neither on top, both equals in pleasure. They kissed sweetly, and then the Doctor increased his speed again, thrusting, over and over, continually accelerating, both of them panting. Rose's eyes closed as they began to shout with pleasure. "Rose, look at me!" the Doctor shouted, and as she opened her eyes and met his, they both were pushed over the edge. The Doctor thrust, as deep as he could, three or four last times, and with each one he spasmed, gasping, shooting off inside of her, as she screamed "Doctor!" scratching his back, her body wracked with overbearing pulses of orgasm that made her quiver.

The Doctor collapsed on top of her, shuddering several times. Eyes closed, he buried his nose in her hair, taking in her scent as he recovered from his almost unbearably powerful climax. She cradled his head with her hand, nurturingly, helping him recover while she herself closed her eyes tightly, smiling in postcoital ecstasy.

"That was… that was…" the Doctor panted, almost upset by this forceful new experience. "Sshhh…" Rose whispered, comfortingly, stroking his hair and scalp with her fingertips. Eyes still closed, he smiled widely, knowing how perfectly well she understood how he felt. He started to laugh, and she joined him, their uncontrollable happiness and surprise at their sexual chemistry bubbling up.

In this elated, sleepy post-orgasmic state, Rose rolled to her side to face the edge of the bed, and the Doctor positioned himself behind her, his arm around her, spooning her contentedly, planting light kisses on her neck. They were hot and sweaty and smelled of sex but they didn't care. Almost simultaneously, they both breathlessly whispered, "thank you," and then lightly laughed and smiled, eyes still closed from exhaustion. The Doctor reached down for the sheet and pulled it up to tuck them in. He was overwhelmed by the desire to sleep – a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time (Time Lords only needed an hour here or there). Mostly, he wanted to replay the events of the evening in his mind, over and over, until he fell asleep, so that he could continue to dream of them, so that he could have Rose with him even as he slept. He knew he would not, for the life of him, let her go – he wanted to be touching her, to have constant contact, all night long. Rose was sound asleep almost instantly, and the Doctor stayed up as long as he could, listening to her breathing, before succumbing himself.

Rose awoke with a start, to an empty bed next to her and the clattering of pots and pans. _Pots and pans?_ Promptly the Doctor, the source of the commotion, started talking a mile a minute, while Rose, naked and groggy, wrapped a sheet around herself, and stood watching him dash about the kitchen.

"Oh, awake now, sleepy head? I woke up and was absolutely _craving_ eggs! Such a human feeling, _craving_. Well, I don't need to tell you about that." He winked at her. "Must be all the energy expended last night, need protein. Well, I had to borrow the eggs from your parents. And the butter, and the frying pan, and the toast and the jam – not very well stocked were you? You know, what I wanted straight away? Eggs a la Darlween. Remember them? You liked them. Of course, we'll have to substitute butter for the stomach jelly of the gizza bird…"

"Don't do that," Rose said.

The Doctor stopped, startled. "No, it'll be fine. Might be kinda nice without that pungent after-taste…"

"No, she said, and struggled to find the words. "Don't… don't ever, EVER, let me wake up alone in bed again."

Doctor smiled a big, manic grin, with happy, hungry eyes.

"Oh, Rose Tyler, you've got it." And, forgetting all about eggs, he swept her up in his arms, sheet and all, and shouting "Hee-ya!" he carried her, giggling wildly, back to the bed.


	2. Second Night

It was their second night together. After having spent a significant portion of the morning in bed, all thought of eggs forgotten, they had finally had a delicious omelet (the Doctor could cook! Who knew?) and then went on a long shopping trip, the Doctor insisting that Rose stock up on such essentials as food, and things with which to cook food. They had also bought a couch and a coffee table to make Rose's house a little more homey. If the Doctor was going to go domestic, he was going to do so in style. The Doctor was both excited and flustered to have to assemble the coffee table without his sonic screwdriver. He frowned disappointedly when it came out wobbly, until Rose came and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him and telling him how much she loved that he built her a wobbly coffee table_. _And if she loved the wobbly coffee table, so did he.

Now they sat on the couch, the remains of a delicious and romantic candlelight dinner on the wobbly coffee table. They sipped red wine, facing each other with their legs half-folded, mostly just staring into each other's eyes and smiling like fools.

"What?" Rose asked, smilingly and sweetly.

"This," the Doctor said, and he put his wine glass down, and reached over to Rose's neck, sweeping her blond hair off to one side, and then leaned in to plant ever-so-light but sensual kisses on her neck. Rose shivered and smiled, and breathed in deeply to take in the scent of his hair.

"He would never do this," Rose said softly and out-of-the-blue. The Doctor froze, and then sat upright.

"What?"

"The Doctor. I mean the other Doctor… The real, I mean the first, well you know…"

"What makes you say that?" the Doctor said, alarmed by the comment and the sudden halt to their romantic activities.

"Well he wouldn't." Rose maintained. "In all the ways that matter you're him. But he would never do this."

"Do you think its because he doesn't want to?"

"I don't know. If he wanted to why didn't he? Why didn't he ever… we could have… I… I'm sorry." Rose started to cry, and the Doctor pulled her into his arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I know I should be happy with you, and I am, I really am," Rose blubbered, and the Doctor responded "Ssshhh…"

"Rose, look at me," he whispered, and she did, still sobbing. "Never ever, apologize for how you feel. And never hesitate to tell me, understand?" Rose nodded through her tears. She sniffled. He offered her a box of tissues he'd cleverly stowed away behind the couch and she laughed, as she blew her nose and calmed herself down.

"Can I ask why you thought of that?" the Doctor asked when it seemed she had recovered.

"I was just thinking, you know. This is so wonderful, but so strange. The Doctor doesn't want me the way you do. That's why it was so easy for him to leave me."

The Doctor froze, in an almost stony silence. For the first time he seemed almost angry. Rose waited, watching him anxiously. Finally he spoke, so quietly, almost coldly.

"Leaving you was the hardest thing he – I – have ever done."

They sat silently for a minute. She couldn't help but believe him, but still…

"But he doesn't love me. He couldn't say it…"

"He couldn't have brought himself to leave if he had. And he knew you wouldn't have taken me if he had. He kept it inside so we could have a chance. And he knew I can give you something he can't, that you'll be better off… We have a chance to be happy Rose – to have a life together, a real life. With him, it would have only been a matter of time before something happened to him, a regeneration… or you, you could get hurt, or lost, or worse."

"That doesn't…"

"I know your safety doesn't matter to you, but it matters to him – to us. And if you can be safe and also have love, my love, well… why wouldn't we all choose that?"

He smiled, and she smiled back. They kissed and hugged, both of them feeling better. When they pulled away, she asked "What about him? Will he be ok?"

The Doctor sighed. "I wish I knew, but I don't. I just… it's like part of my mind is clouding up, the part that's him after I was created… it's like we're getting farther apart, and I can't see what he sees anymore…"

GLIMPSE

The Doctor closes the door of the TARDIS, thinking about what Wilfred said. Normally at this point, he would spring into action, pick a new destination on a whim, turn knobs and pull on levers and make noise. But he was frozen, couldn't make a decision, couldn't move.

"_They've all got someone else…"_

And here he was, alone again. Usually at this point some distraction would happen upon him, and he would not have to think of who he had just left behind – he wouldn't have to think of the words he didn't get to say to Rose, or the pain he'd inadvertently caused Martha. Some distraction would come along, like the Titanic, or like… Donna. Thinking of her made him want to wail out in pain. The way she looked at him, like he barely existed, totally ignorant of what had not only given her own life meaning, but what had meant so much to so many. Particularly him. She had not only saved his life, she had brought him back to life, in more ways than one. In the most important way, she'd helped him see that there was life after Rose…

Thinking of Rose brought up more painful questions. He was not worried about her, or the new Doctor – he was confident that the Human Doctor would take his own place in Rose's affections. The most selfish part of him didn't want that to happen, he wanted to be the one that Rose loved. But it was seldom if ever the selfish part of him that acted. And so he'd given her away for her own sake – he could have taken her back with just 3 words, he could still go back if he wanted to…

No. Selfish. Do it for her, be strong for her. Always strong.

His head hurt, swirling with these painful thoughts. He wanted oblivion, wanted someone to take his memory away. Assigning the TARDIS no destination, letting it float between the fabric of time and space, the Doctor retired to his bedroom to turn off the light and try to forget who he was.


	3. Later that night

"Shall we clean up then?" Rose asked.

"Later," the Doctor said decisively, with a passionate look in his eyes. He took her hand and led her towards the bed, then sat on the edge with her standing in front of him. His heart beat fast. He loved her, and he wanted her, oh so badly.

"Wait," Rose said, and the Doctor's heart sank a little. "I got something else while we were shopping…"

The Doctor was confused. "When…?"

"When you were trying to ask the shopkeeper about the physio-material properties of the plastic veneer on the table…"

"Well any intergalactic furniture salesman ought to know…"

"Sssshhh…" she said, and she put her finger on his lips. "I'll be right back."

He waited on the bed while Rose slipped into the bathroom. He racked his brain for what Rose might be on about, but couldn't figure it out. He still mostly thought like a distracted Time Lord, not a lusty human male. And then again, his thinking capacity was greatly diminished by the hazy, heady feeling of desire.

After a minute, Rose came out, in a stunning purple satin robe that reached only to her upper thigh. As the Doctor looked on, awestruck, she untied it and let it fall to the floor, revealing a matching teddy. The color was rich and deep, perfectly off-setting her rosy skin and light hair. It hung on her perfectly, accentuating her best features. The hem angled out at the bottom in an A-Line, framing her hips. Her breasts hung loosely but bountifully in the see-through lacy top, barely staying on her with loose thin straps. The Doctor was speechless.

"Huh… buh… mmuh… well, then, um… yes, brilliant!"

Rose laughed, and it was like music. She walked towards him, and he stood up to meet her, in more ways than one. She wrapped her arms around his neck, but his eyes aimed downwards, to where his hands caressed her hips and waist, slipping the sleek fabric up and down her body to see and feel where it clung to her form. He moved his hands up to her shoulders, where the straps fell down with just a light nudge of his hand. He caressed the exposed skin of her neck, her shoulders, her clavicle, tickling it with his finger. He moved down, using one hand to slip the fabric of the nightie down to expose one breast, which he lifted to his mouth, sensuously and lightly kissing and licking the nipple. Rose moaned, and started to slip the nightie off.

"Leave it on," the Doctor responded gruffly, a little bit of command in his voice, which turned Rose on all the more. Suddenly he pulled her, falling back onto the bed and letting her fall on top of him. She positioned herself over him, straddling him, grinding her crotch into his fully erect penis, still contained in his pants. She tried to pull his shirt off over his head, his arms momentarily tangled before she freed them. She "mmm"ed appreciatively, and ran her finger nails lightly up and down his torso, making the hair on his head stand up even more than usual.

Suddenly he grabbed her wrists, locked his legs around her and flipped her over, so that he was on top. He continued to hold her wrists down above her head, restraining her. She would crane her neck upward to kiss him, and he would pull away, teasing her, driving her wild. Finally, he would grant her begging, moaning sounds and dive down for a rough, frenzied kiss.

He let go of her wrists so he could pull down the top of the teddy and fondle her breasts, tweeking the nipples with a pinch here and a caress there. With her hands free she continued her exploration of his body, tingling his torso with her fingertips and reaching down to feel and grab his hard-on, nearly bursting out of his pants.

The Doctor groaned and collapsed on top of her. His body filled all her senses as he lay, grinding into her, pressing his bulge into her. She inhaled deeply to take in his scent as she ran her fingers through his hair, and she closed her eyes as he passionately kissed, licked, and nibbled on her neck. Her other hand caressed his naked torso, fingers exploring the valleys between his muscles. She traveled back down to undo his belt and his fly, and his cock, still not encased in underwear, popped out into her hand. She had a wicked idea, something they had not tried yet.

Performing another flip, she got him on his back, and slinked down along his body, mouth and hands licking and feeling his chest on the way down, as he moaned with anticipation. As Rose came face to face with the Time Lord/Human's cock, she reached her tongue out to lick the tip, which was shimmering with a drip of pre-cum. A little "unh" was heard from the Doctor. Then taking his dick in her hand, she slid her wet warm mouth all the way down its length.

"MMMMMMunnnnh" the Doctor groaned, animal-like. He'd never felt anything like it. He punched the air and then lifted his hands to his face, covering and rubbing his eyes as he stretched his neck upward. He then looked down again to curiously watch Rose's ministrations. She held his cock in one hand, as she slowly glided her wet lips up and down its hardness, while her tongue flicked at the tip and around the head. All the while her eyes were aimed upward, as she enjoyed watching the Doctor's reactions. Her free hand reached upward to scratch down his torso, and he groaned some more. She began to move faster, her wet mouth following her hand up and down. She was very good at this, and the Doctor chose not to think about how she might have gotten the experience. Instead he concentrated on the sensation, the warmth of her tight lips, applying pressure in just the right places. He couldn't help it, he was so close…

"Rose," he panted, "stop, I'm gonna…"

But she didn't stop. She was enjoying herself, particularly the effect she was having. Clearly she was driving the Doctor mad and would not stop doing that for anything.

"OH! OH! UNNNNHHH!" the Doctor shouted, throwing his head back, as he came in Rose's mouth. He spurted, three, four, five times, and she swallowed it, savoring the salty and tangy flavor. Letting his cock out of her mouth, she licked off the few last drops, before wiping the corners of her lips with her finger, and reaching up to stick that finger in the Doctor's mouth, giving him a little taste. He was recovering, panting with his head thrown back and his hand over his eyes, his chest shuddering. Rose loved watching him like this, and she crawled up the bed to lay beside him, her face pressed up to his, her arm slung over his naked torso.

After a few more minutes, the Doctor roused himself and looked at Rose, a little puzzled and… angry?

"That's not fair!"

"What's not?"

"You can't… you went off with… you took advantage of me!" Rose giggled a little wickedly. "We're gonna have to institute a new Rule 1," the Doctor replied.

"What, don't wander off?"

"No," the Doctor said mischievously, and in a flash he was on top of her. In a gruff, sexy whisper, he said "Rule 1. The lady always comes first." Rose's heart leapt and her cunt throbbed. "And do you know what punishment you get for breaking the rule, Rose?" the Doctor asked with a mock innocent tone. She bit her lip and shook her head. Seemingly out of nowhere, the Doctor produced the purple satin sash from Rose's robe, waving it under her nose. Practically before Rose could comprehend what was happening, the Doctor had shifted her so she was centered on the bed, and in another flash he was tying her hands together around the bars of the headboard. Once she was securely tied, the Doctor whispered in her ear, very seductively, "now you're gonna get what's coming to you." Rose shivered.

What was really torturous was how slow he moved, like a man used to an infinite life span. He slowly kissed up and down every inch of her, every limb, both arms and each finger, sucking on the tips. The whole time, Rose could feel her pussy getting wetter, hotter and more tingly with wanting. She moaned, at first a little, and then more and more, as she couldn't take it for much longer. Then she started to beg.

"Mmm please… please stop, it's torture…" The Doctor only grinned and continued, slowly, down her body, kissing down the valley between her breasts, on and around them, down and around her belly, lingering under the curve of her stomach and just above the slope down to her pussy. "Please… please," Rose begged. The Doctor came up from his task to passionately kiss the words away from Rose's mouth, only to return to his previous location, tickling her mound by swirling his fingers around in her pubic hair, as he dipped down to kiss and lick her clitoris, as Rose moaned a sigh of relief and pleasure. The Doctor proceeded to passionately eat her out as he caressed her hips and thighs, throwing himself into the task as fervently as Rose had sucked his cock. As he continued, bringing her close to climax, he himself revived and felt his hard-on growing again. He wanted to be inside Rose so badly he ached.

Stopping his ministrations just as Rose was on the cusp of coming, he reached towards the headboard and with one tug untied the purple satin sash. He sat upright and deftly lifted Rose so she could sit on top of him, ready for his cock, dripping wet. Responding, Rose guided the Doctor inside her, and they paused as he reached her depths, stopping to kiss and caress each other. As they began to move up and down, the Doctor positioned his thumb on her clit, so he could rub her as they fucked. He controlled her pace by holding her back, guiding her movement as she slid wetly up and down his cock. Just a few minutes of this and they were both on the brink. Rose's moans accelerated and loudened, growing into screams as she threw her head back, the Doctor's thumb still rubbing her clit. The hot wave of orgasm radiated out from that spot, overcoming her, causing her to shudder several times. As she began to come, the Doctor was pushed over the edge just by watching her, and with groans that matched hers in intensity, he spurted off inside her, his face contorted. They rode their mutual orgasm for a few long moments, holding each other tightly as it subsided. As they came down from their high, they both panted furiously, completely winded. After a minute they collapsed, lying down facing each other with their limbs still entwined, their eyes shut, utterly exhausted with love.


	4. A few weeks later

Rose and the Doctor had not given much thought to birth control. She thought to ask, a little too late, the morning after their first night together as they lazed in bed, if it was something they should be concerned about. The Doctor explained in his usual tone, "weeelll, while of course humans begin to successfully cross-breed with mainly humanoid life forms in, oh, I don't know, the 26th century or so, I've always thought that Time Lords were an exception because of the temporal abnormalities in our genetic code. Then again, could be wrong, never tested it… but I'm reasonably sure we can recreationally copulate without fear of inadvertent procreation…" Rose gave him a blank stare with one eyebrow up. "What I mean to say is, we can shag like monkeys as much as we want!" He swept her up in a silly sloppy kiss as she giggled, and they didn't give it another thought, distracted by other things.

In the next several weeks they developed a pleasant pattern. They shopped pleasantly and playfully for the Doctor's new wardrobe, and Pete was securing identification for him. While Pete guaranteed Rose and the Doctor fulfilling and discreet careers at Torchwood, he insisted that there was no pressure, that they should relax and enjoy themselves for as long as they wished, and they did. They took to wandering the streets of Parallel London in a romantic reverie, feeding each other chips as they walked along the Thames, stopping to look out at the water. When it was cold, the Doctor would open up his trench coat so Rose could burrow inside up against his warm body. Occasionally they'd walk at night and look up at the stars, slightly melancholically.

Mostly though, they spent their evenings at the Tyler house for dinner. Tony, who was three years old, really took to the Doctor. The Doctor was slightly bewildered by children in general and by Tony's attention specifically, but he warmed to the boy. Rose loved to watch them interact – it warmed her heart in a way she couldn't name.

One night, Jackie was washing dishes with Rose drying, while Tony and the Doctor played in the next room. Jackie murmured something about how Rose hadn't eaten much at dinner, "and you normally love my tuna-fish casserole." Rose only half heard her, distracted. In truth, she only put on a show of liking the dish for her mom's sake. Normally it was tolerable, but tonight the smell of it had turned her stomach in knots. She felt as if she'd been holding her breath all night long to keep the smell out. "I wasn't hungry, mum. I snacked a lot this afternoon," which was in fact true. As they walked around that afternoon, the food in all the shops looked delicious, and Rose begged the Doctor to stop in every one. He, as usual, indulged her.

Rose overheard the sounds of the Doctor playing with Tony. They were, ironically enough, playing Tony's favorite game, spaceships, with his Star Wars set. This game consisted of Tony moving his X-wing fighters around in the air, making laser gun, "pew, pew" sounds, while the Doctor tried to explain, "not all spaceships look like that you know," and "laser guns really have a deeper pitch to them," and "a vessel of that size wouldn't have the fuel and power resources necessary to generate a beam of 70 pequods at a distance of 30 kilo-hictars." "Pew, pew!" answered Tony.

Rose listened fondly to this, and all of a sudden broke into tears. "Darling, what's wrong?" Jackie responded with alarm, stopping her dish-doing, taking the plate and towel out of Rose's hands and enveloping her in a hug. "Nothing's wrong!" Rose sobbed. "Everything's perfect! I'm just, I'm just, so… happy!" she sobbed unconvincingly. She sniffed between each word, and began to sob even harder.

"Rose," said a solemn voice, and Rose could barely perceive, through teary eyes, a shock of brown hair. The Doctor, like any man in love, never stopped thinking about where Rose was in relation to him, spotting her through his peripheral vision, listening always for her voice. The second he heard her cry, he appeared instantly by her side in the kitchen.

"I'd better take her home," the Doctor said solemnly, and Jackie passed Rose into his arms. Her instinct might have been to protest, insisting that she was best qualified to take care of her daughter, but in the last few years, and in particular the last few weeks, Jackie had come to trust the Doctor, understanding how much he loved and cared for Rose and how hard he'd try never to hurt her again.

When the Doctor and Rose returned to their house, Rose had recovered. She sniffled, grabbing a tissue to blow out snot, and babbled about how sorry and embarrassed she was, and she didn't know why she did that, she was incredibly happy, etc. etc. Interrupting her mumbling, the Doctor said, "I was wrong."

"What?"

"I was wrong, and I'm sorry, I'm so…"

"Don't say that! Whenever you say that someone's going to die!"

"No! That's not what I meant, I'm sor… I mean, I _apologize_ for that choice of words, and I _apologize _for being wrong…"

"About what?"

"Of course I forgot that my human form would disrupt the temporal expression of the chromosomal pattern."

"What are you on about?" 

"But I'm actually not sorry, I'm not sorry at all!" The Doctor's face cracked into a huge grin, and a laugh at what seemed to be a private joke. Rose was utterly confused. She moved in to punch his arm repeatedly, while saying, "would… you… tell… me… already…."

"Ow, ow! That's no way to treat the father of your child!"

Rose froze, and there was a long pause. "What?"

"Rose," the Doctor said tenderly, and he took her hands in his. "Rose Tyler, my Rosie" and his mouth broke into another impossibly huge grin. "We're going to have a baby."

"WHAT?"

The Doctor just laughed, and smiled maniacally. Rose's head was spinning. "But, but, but, how, how…?"

"You know, the usual way," the Doctor grinned mischievously.

"No! I mean how do you know? You don't have weird alien x-ray vision or nothing?" and Rose started pawing at her stomach as if there was a picture of a baby printed on her t-shirt.

"No! Nothing like that, I just… know, you know? Instinct… I can feel it, I can tell it's there. I mean think about it, it makes sense! The eating, the crying…"

"But… this is… oh, isn't this, bad? Unplanned, and isn't too soon? We just got here, we were just starting to figure things out. It's… it's… scary! Why are you so happy?"

"Because it's you, Rose. Because I love you. I want to be with you for as long as these bodies last, I have no doubt about that. And this baby is… it's… us! The two of us swirled together to create something new, something brilliant! Something small and wonderful, and us!"

Rose smiled widely as her eyes brimmed with tears again.

"Rose," the Doctor said, as he cupped her chin with his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumbs, stopping to kiss her deeply and then looking into her eyes with his most earnest, loving gaze. "I want to marry you."

"WHAT?"

The Doctor bent on one knee. "Rose Tyler." He took her hand in his. "Will you marry me?"

Rose's head was spinning. It was too much to comprehend: how was this all happening to her at once? She was only just getting used to the fact that this Doctor was really all hers, was there to stay, and that they were building a life together, rather than stealing a few precious nights of paradise before fate drove them apart again. As her thoughts swirled chaotically, he waited for an answer, and the longer she paused, his face began to fall. She was overwhelmed, but after all, she always knew what her answer would be, since the day she first ran inside his blue police box.

"Yes," she cried, and he arose to embrace her, and kissed her passionately. He then danced her around the apartment, jubilantly shouting, "huzzah!" until, understandably, Rose got dizzy, and they collapsed on the couch, laughing.

"Now you get this," and the Doctor pulled a ring box out of his jacket pocket. Rose gasped at yet another surprise – he had already picked out a ring? She opened it and gasped again. It was her grandmother's ring – he must have gotten it from Pete – but there was something different about it when it shone in the light – a slight green tint to the metal surrounding the entwining strands that terminated in two diamonds. "I had permission to make a slight alteration," the Doctor explained. "It's a veneer of Glaferen, a fine space metal that they had some pieces of at Torchwood. It was found floating in Kasterborous, the constellation where my planet was. Gallifray was one of the few planets where that metal is found, and was certainly where it was most plentiful. It used to make the mountains of Gallifray shine. This piece might be from there, left floating after Gallifray was destroyed. Anyway, it's my way of joining Time Lord with human, like us. Like our baby…"

Rose smiled and cried silently. She'd been twisting and turning the ring in the light, watching it flash not just green, but red and orange and other other-worldly colors. "They say it keeps a visual memory of the landscapes it has reflected, and provides fleeting glimpses of them…" The Doctor took the ring from her, and looked at it solemnly for a moment, as if searching for something. But then he took her hand, and slipped the ring onto her finger. They embraced, and sat holding each other for a long moment in loving and contemplative silence.

"And you're not just proposing because you knocked me up?" Rose joked.

"No, no! Had the ring made ages ago. Just hadn't decided yet when I was gonna use it. I might have waited longer otherwise, but now that I've got to make an honest woman out of you…"

Rose punched him in the arm half-heartedly. She was exhausted, with good reason, and the Doctor guided her, with drooping head, to bed. They both knew she needed rest, and yet they stayed up late whispering , making plans, figuring out a map for the future… their future. One thing they decided that night: before, they were going to name the Doctor "John Smith" for his identification documents. He had felt ambivalent about reusing his former alias, but it presented itself as the most likely candidate. But now a new one emerged, one that seemed perfect to both of them, particularly now that a marriage and baby were imminent… John Tyler.


	5. Another few weeks

The daylight broke through the windows of the guesthouse, and Rose and the Doctor, spooning and asleep, squeezed their eyes tight against the incoming light. Rose went to get up and the Doctor tugged on his arms to pull her back into bed and into his embrace. Rose laughed and said, "that might not be such a good idea in my condition."

The Doctor hrrumphed, holding onto her still. He knew that she wasn't sick – she was having a very easy pregnancy. Mostly she was hungry all the time, with very specific cravings, so Doctor was on cooking and shopping duty all the time. If she wanted something, he'd make it for her; if they didn't have the ingredients, he'd go out to buy some.

"Seriously though, I do have to piss like a racehorse."

"My woman, mother of my child, so graceful and dainty," the Doctor teased, but he let her go.

He took a moment, while she was in the bathroom, to sigh and think about how lucky he was. He stretched and rubbed his eyes, groaning himself awake.

"So what's on the agenda today, soon-to-be Mrs. Tyler?"

Rose peaked her head out of the bathroom, toothbrush in her mouth. "Ah tol' oo, wehdin dwes thoppen."

"What?"

Rose ducked back into the bathroom to spit and rinse. Coming back out, now with a free mouth, she said more clearly, "wedding dress shopping with mum and some of her friends. It ought to be… torturous."

"Oh," the Doctor said, a little hesitantly.

"Why? Do you want to come?" Rose asked.

"Well, yes, actually, I would love to," the Doctor said, still a little unsure.

"Ok, s'fine by me. I guess it's traditional not to see the bride in the wedding dress before the wedding, but not much about this is traditional, eh? Mom won't like it but she'll be ok. It's that friend Marcia of hers, she'll… are you ok?"

"Oh, yes."

"Don't lie to me," Rose said, in that stubborn, knowing voice of hers.

"Ok, I – I'll just have to reschedule something, that's all." 

"Reschedule what?"

"I didn't want to tell you yet…"

"Well you're telling me now, so out with it," Rose insisted, still the pig-headed woman who tore open the TARDIS with a tow truck just to get back to her Doctor.

"I… I had an interview with Torchwood scheduled today. But I can reschedule…"

"An interview? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to have to think about it just now… we can talk about it another time."

"No," stated Rose firmly, looking so angry she couldn't move. The Doctor waited, as she picked her next words carefully.

"Firstly, you don't make these kinds of decisions without me, ok? You're not the Lonely Time Lord anymore and I'm not your dumb assistant. We make these decisions together, got it?"

"I wasn't making a decision, it's just an interview…"

"It was a decision to go for an interview, and to do it now. And we both know what you'll choose once you're in there, and I'm just… I'm just not ready…" Rose started to cry.

The Doctor took her hand and led her to the edge of the bed where he could hold her. "I'm sorry, Rose, I am. You're right, I should have asked you first, you're right…"

Rose sobbed a little and calmed herself down, trying to find the words to explain how she felt.

"I just, I don't want you working there, not without me. You know I can't now. And the thought of you going off, having adventures, figuring out space… things, while I sit at home wondering if you're gonna get hurt…"

"It's not like that, I won't be traveling, it won't be like the TARDIS days…"

"It doesn't have to be. You know what its like there – it's a target. The trouble comes there… and the lot of you will go rushing headlong into it… you especially. I can't have that, not if I can't be there with you. Not if I'll have to take care of this baby by myself. Not if I could possibly lose you…"

"Oh Rose," and the Doctor embraced her tighter, planting a hard kiss on her forehead. She cried into his shoulder, as he rocked her and whispered, "sshh… sshh…"

He explained softly, "I just thought it was time to stop living off Pete's generosity. He's been so supportive, but I can't just go ahead and let him pay for a wedding, and a baby… not to mention all the food you're going through." Rose laughed.

"There we go, there's a smile!" and the Doctor smiled too, and Rose calmed down.

"Well, I guess you could get another job," she said.

"What, like… a normal one?"

Rose smiled, thinking of the hilarious possibilities. "Sure, you could be… John the Plumber."

"Well I do like fixing leaks." They laughed, and spent the rest of the morning, as they got dressed and fed and ready for the day, imagining other ludicrous careers for the Doctor.

"High school physics teacher! I can imagine you showin' up those stuck up teenage twits."

"Ack, teenagers… worse than aliens. I could run a restaurant. Can't you imagine me serving up the Blue Box special?"

"Wait a minute… why not?"

"Rose, I was joking."

"No, it's great! You're a great cook! I could help you run the restaurant, when the baby doesn't need attention. Even mum could pitch in…"

"Er…"

"Ok, no mum."

"No, it's ok, just… don't let her in the kitchen." They laughed.

"So? What do you think?" Rose asked.

The Doctor paused. It was very strange to think of taking up a "normal" job. Then again, he had once said, "living a life, day to day… the one adventure I could never have…" and now he could. He already was, he just needed the job part. Not his favorite part, if he was honest with himself. But then again, he would do anything for Rose, and now for his baby too.

"Ok, I'll think about it."

"Good!" Rose smiled, knowing the battle was mostly won already. "So what'll you do about the interview?"

"I'll just call them and tell them to shove it up their ass. I've always wanted to do that, but I've never had a boss to tell that to…"

"Well, I don't want you to burn your bridges… I'm not saying we might not want to work there someday."

"We?"

"Yeah, we."

"Well don't worry, they would kill for _our_ expertise. Not literally I hope."

As they got ready to go out the door, gathering shoes and jackets, the Doctor took Rose in his arms. "So, wedding dress shopping. Just picturing you in something lacy and white is getting me all… excited…"

Rose giggled. "Not now, Doctor, mum is waiting…"

"Thinking of picking up anything else lacy for the…wedding night?" the Doctor wiggled his eyebrows cheesily.

"None of your business mister. Besides, that's for the bridal shower, you get tons of the stuff as gifts. I just hope it comes in maternity sizes…"


	6. Nothing

John Tyler ran as fast as he could, and yet it was like moving through water. His heart beat louder than anything, so it seemed like the rest of the world was silent, and time moved in slow motion. Through the hospital doors, to what seemed like 5 different reception desks, each of which seemed to take forever to find the name and room number of the only person that mattered in the whole world.

Finally, he reached the room, and as he turned the corner into the open door, it seemed like his heart, rather than beating too hard or too fast, had stopped beating at all. In the room he saw his love's family, standing around a hospital bed with mournful looks on their faces. In the bed, Rose was sobbing uncontrollably.

In two quick long strides the Doctor was at her side, as the family backed away to give them space. The Doctor held Rose's face in his hands, unable to find any words.

"I'm sorry…" Rose cried, her body wracked with sobs.

The Doctor cried and said, "no, God, Rose, no, you have nothing, nothing to be sorry about, you hear me?" Rose nodded. "God, are you ok, I mean physically, are you ok?"

Rose nodded again. "It hurts, but the doctors say I'll be fine."

The Doctor still crying, still holding her face in his hands, still speaking directly and intensely to her, "listen, that's all that matters to me, you understand? I don't care about anything else, but that you're safe, ok?" Rose nodded. "Oh, Doctor," and she broke into a deeper round of sobbing as he embraced her, holding her tight as she cried in his arms, with nothing in between them.

/

On the first day home from the hospital, the Doctor and Rose entered the house without a word. The Doctor, who would not let Rose carry a thing, set down their bags on the couch, as Rose stumbled straight to bed to lie down. The Doctor joined her and held her as she cried, all night long, until she fell asleep.

On the second day, Rose lay in bed all day without crying, rather numb, watching a portable TV set that her parents had lent her, as the Doctor tried to tempt her, and then begged her, to eat something. Her mother came by in the afternoon, lay down with her, stroked her hair, tried to get her to talk, but she wouldn't say a word.

On the third day, the Doctor sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in the late morning, with Rose still asleep. He wanted to despair, feared that Rose could never be happy again, but forced himself to understand that he had to let her grieve, and just hope that it would help her recover. He heard a groaning and looked up. Rose was waking and actually getting out of bed. The Doctor pretended to read a newspaper, not taking in a word, as Rose came to sit at the table with him. "You hungry?" he asked. Rose nodded her head. "Scrambled eggs?" Another nod.

Rose still wouldn't speak, but after she inhaled her eggs, she let the Doctor coax her into taking a shower, while he sat on the toilet keeping her silent company. He got her into some clean but comfy sweats, and set her up in bed with good back pillows and a heating pad for her cramps. And, though he loathed the idiot box, he sat up with Rose in the evening, watching TV with her and chastely holding her hand.

On the fourth day, Rose was closer to normal. She started speaking again, though her voice was husky from disuse. They went for one of their walks on the Thames, and chatted innocuously, though Rose let the Doctor do most of the talking. She mildly half-smiled at the Doctor's jokes, though the smile didn't reach her eyes, and she occasionally released a brief half-chuckle, though it didn't come from her gut.

On the fifth day, Rose was almost completely herself. She was still melancholy, but Rose seemed to make the conscious decision to mask over it with a layer of false cheeriness, to basically "fake it until you make it." The Doctor found himself wondering at human resilience, and in particular admiring the endless strength of this woman who he was so lucky to have and to love and to have love him.

She even surprised him by taking over the cooking of dinner, which was… mediocre, but the Doctor swore he loved every bite. She knew he was lying but she didn't care. She liked that he, like her, was pretending, in order to begin to gain back a sense of normalcy, knowing that sooner or later they wouldn't have to try to be happy. As the Doctor scraped every scrap off his plate and used his finger to pick up crumbs, Rose said, "don't hold back on my account, mate, go ahead and lick the plate why dontcha?"

"Rose, you made a joke!" the Doctor exclaimed, delighted.

"Yeah, I guess I did," and she smiled – not one of her huge, beautiful, light-up-the-room smiles, but closer, and more genuine, than he'd seen her do in a week.

"So, I think it's time we talk about everything," Rose said decisively and firmly, catching the Doctor unawares.

"Rose, we don't have to, really, until you're ready…"

"I'm ready," she said, once again in that decisive, what-I-say-goes tone. The Doctor wasn't sure he was ready. He had been thinking about it for days, all of it playing around in his head the whole time, as he tried to stuff it down deep so he could take care of his Rose, be the strong, unemotional one once again.

"Ok, I'll start…" the Doctor said, hesitantly. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths as Rose watched him carefully. He summoned all his strength to say what he had to say. When it finally came out, his voice broke on the first word.

"Rose, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault…" and he broke into tears and sobs, all his years of experience burying emotion useless now that he had decided to truly open his heart.

"Oh god, no, Doctor, no, it's not…" She rose from her seat to go to him and wrap him in her arms.

"It is, it is… I should have known that I could get you pregnant, it was so stupid of me, so thick, I was just so happy to have you, I couldn't even think straight, make rational decisions… And I should have known it would have been risky, I was being so selfish…"

"No, no no no, ssshhhhh…"

The Doctor broke away from Rose's arms to look her in the face and take her hands. "I need you to forgive me, Rose, please,"

"Doctor, there's nothing to forgive."

"Please!"

"You're no more to blame than me…"

"Rose, PLEASE!"

She looked at him, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. She'd been so absorbed in her own misery, she'd had no idea that he had been suffering under this inconsolable weight, and because she loved him, she would do anything to remove that weight, no matter how unjustified it was.

"I forgive you."

They practically bounded into each other's arms, holding each other as tight and close as they could, their grief no longer separate but mutual. They held each other like that for a long time.

When they both calmed down, they sat on the couch together, hands clasped, to talk more reasonably, their outbursts of emotion pushed aside. They agreed that, though the miscarriage was tragic, it was far too soon for them to have a baby. The Doctor had asked Pete, and there was a brilliant scientist at Torchwood studying, to the best of her ability, the reproductive systems of any aliens she could find anything about. Rose and the Doctor agreed that they should work with this scientist to find a form of birth control they could be sure would work for them.

"And," the Doctor said hopefully, "perhaps find out if there's a way that we could have kids… one day." Rose hesitated, battling the conflicting desires to have a baby with the man she loved, and to avoid this kind of pain and suffering at all costs. But she ended up nodding her head, smiling a little.

She looked down at her hand, and saw that she was still wearing her engagement ring. She had been so distracted, she hadn't thought about it in a week, though it had been on her hand the whole time. She wiggled it off and held it out to the Doctor, saying "I guess you'll be wanting this back, for now, at least…"

The Doctor looked stricken, and more out of shock than anything, reached out to take the ring. "Oh…"

Rose saw his hurt, but was confused. "I mean, there's no rush now, right? So…"

"You don't want to marry me," the Doctor said, more like a broken-hearted statement than a question.

"What? No, it's not that at all! I just thought that, now that there's no baby, you wouldn't want to go ahead with this."

"Rose, I would marry you tomorrow if you'd let me."

Rose's breath hitched in her throat, and her heart fluttered at the romance of this statement. There was a long pause before the Doctor continued.

"Rose, I did not ask you to marry me because you were pregnant. I asked you because, for the first time in my life, I only have the rest of my life. And I want every day of it spent with you. We could get married next week, next year or never, and that would never change. I want you to be my wife, but if you don't want to marry me, I understand."

"What? No! Of course, of course I want to marry you! I just, I don't want to rush into anything, just because, well, that's what we just did and it didn't end up well. I want to marry you more than anything, I just, want it to be a little ways a way."

"What, like a proper engagement?"

Rose smiled a little, "yeah, something like that."

"You'll be my fiancée?"

"Yeah, sure."

"And I'll be your fiancé?"

"Of course!"

"Wow, I've never been a fiancé before."

"Well neither have I!" Rose said, giggling properly for the first time in many days. The Doctor smiled; her laugh was like a tonic, soothing over both their wounds. They both sighed, feeling better about so many things.

"Well then, let's do this properly!" the Doctor said playfully, rising from the couch.

"Huh?"

Half jokingly, half seriously, he next knelt in front of her and said, "Rose Tyler, will you agree to marry me a certain distance into the future, said distance to be mutually determined by both parties, not to fall short of 6 months but not to exceed 10 years, pending renegotiation of terms by both parties being of sound enough mind and slightly mismatched bodies?"

"Yes!" Rose both laughed and teared up a little, as he slipped the ring back on her finger. The Doctor joined her on the couch and they giggled for a bit. "Not every couple gets to get engaged twice, eh?" the Doctor joked, and Rose smiled. She nestled into the crook of the Doctor's arm. They sighed, their expressions both turning slightly more solemn again. They sat in silence together, thinking. Healing would not be automatic, but at least now it was a process they could share. Rose's eyes drooped, then closed, and as he had before, the Doctor carried her to their bed.


	7. A New Beginning

In another few days, the Doctor and Rose were putting the pieces of their lives back together, particularly the pieces of their house. They were shuffling around, straightening it up, making it look less like a place of mourning and more like a home. As Rose fluffed pillows and the Doctor searched under the couch for stray tissues, Rose said,

"I think we should work at Torchwood."

The Doctor stopped what he was doing. "Are you sure you're ready?"

Rose stopped too and walked towards him. "Yes. We have to build a life here, a complete life, and we've been stalling it. No more sitting around and crying, or walking around like lovebirds with nothing better to do."

"But I like being your lovebird." The Doctor smiled.

"I do too," Rose said, and smiled back. "But there's more we could be doing. The world needs help, and we're the only people who can give it. We have to do something."

The Doctor took a deep breath and walked up close to Rose. He pulled her in close to him with one arm, and put the other on the side of her jaw, lifting her face up towards his. He whispered, his voice breaking with emotion, "That's why I fell in love with you." He swept in for a sweet but passionate kiss, hoping to show her, rather than tell her, how much he loved her in that instant. He pulled away.

"It wasn't when we came to this universe, it wasn't when this body was born, it wasn't even when I had to live without you. I fell in love with you, oh, so long ago, when we first met, when you showed me you would do anything to save the world. My Rose, defender of the Earth." He whispered this last phrase almost seductively, and swept her in for another kiss, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her into him as tight as he could, her arms flung around his neck, doing the same.

/

A week, later, after Pete had made all the arrangements, he was showing them around Torchwood headquarters.

"This will be your private office. I figured you wouldn't mind sharing."

It was beautiful. It was a huge, glassed-in space on an upper story, with glass walls that looked out on the rest of the office floor (complete with blinds for privacy) and entire walls of windows looking out on a magnificent view of London and the Thames. There were two swanky desks on either end of the room, as well as a central conference table for shared work. Pete imagined, knowing them, that the latter would get much more use.

"And here are your keys to your private workspace in the basement, and keys to the elevator that will take you there – only you two have access. Well, I'll leave you to it."

"Wait, Pete, what do you mean workspace?" Rose called after him, as he closed the glass door to their office and winked.

"What does he mean workspace?" she asked the Doctor. He smiled slyly as if he knew something, and said only, "let's find out."

Down a corridor that only they and a few other high level personnel had access to, they found, practically hidden away in a tiny niche around a corner, the elevator. Not only did they need one key to get in the elevator, and one to activate the button to the basement, it asked for voice and identity verification. Not sure if they would get it right, they each said their names, "Rose," "The Doctor," simultaneously, but the elevator accepted. It lurched into motion, and seemed to go down very far, beeping at each level it passed, even though soon they were beyond the normal floor levels, past even the sub-basements.

Finally, the elevator crash-banged to a stop, and the lift door opened upon a large, dank, painted-gray concrete warehouse. There was barely anything in it – a few empty but simple worktables along the sides. One seemed to have large papers, like blueprints, on it.

In the center of the room was a large circular electronic console, many of its lights and buttons glowing, with large cables extending every which way. It reminded Rose very much of the TARDIS console, and she felt somewhat, if not homesick, than TARDIS-sick. In fact, the empty space in the center of the console, which she quickly walked into to have a closer look, seemed just about the right size for a TARDIS.

The Doctor smiled knowingly. He didn't seem surprised at all. "Were you in on this?" Rose asked him. "What is all this about?"

He grinned happily. "I had Pete and some of his most trusted associates build this to my specs. I have something to show you." He approached her, joining her within the console and stepping up close to her. He reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a small rock, though he cradled gently in both his hands like it was precious.

"It's a TARDIS coral. The Doctor gave it to me before he left. And Donna, good old Donna, told me how to speed up the growing process."

They both took a second to think melancholically about Donna – the Doctor had told Rose what must have happened to her.

"You've had it all this time?" Rose asked.

The Doctor's heart sped up. He'd been in trouble for this sort of thing before. The old habit of keeping things to himself died hard. "Oh, Rose, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I didn't want you to think I just wanted to run. I wanted you to know that I want to be here, in this universe, with you, TARDIS or no TARDIS. I wanted to be sure you knew that before I showed you."

"It's ok."

"Is it really?" She hesitated for a minute, before nodding her head and smiling genuinely.

"But now, before I do anything, we make the decision together. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that I want to be with you no matter what. Traveling, not traveling, domestic or interplanetary. Doesn't matter as long as I have you. So, what do you think, future-Mrs. Tyler? Should we give it a go?"

She paused for a minute. She remembered all those wonderful adventures in the TARDIS, the absolute best years of her life, until now. Were they the best because of what she was doing, or who she was with? Now that she had her Doctor, closer than ever, which life would she choose, knowing that one of those lives ran the risk of her losing him again, perhaps permanently? But as she'd learned recently, any kind of life had the potential for heartbreak, and as she'd been told, some things are worth getting your heart broken for. She broke out in a huge smile. "Of course!"

"Really?" the Doctor asked happily.

"Absolutely!" Rose laughed, her beautiful shimmering laugh, and the Doctor joined her. They jumped up and down, they hugged fiercely, and then danced around the console, laughing like idiots.

"Right! Let's get moving!" The Doctor took her hand and showed her to a spot in the middle of the console, a special depression with prongs that would perfectly support the piece of coral.

"Rose, would you do the honors?" Rose smiled broadly, quite touched. She took the coral from the Doctor. It was warm and tingly in her hand. It felt like love, and memory, like every moment she'd spent with the Doctor compressed into one lump, the pain of every goodbye, the burning of the Time Vortex in her head, the stolen joy of every kiss. She placed the coral gingerly in the cavity, and it started to glow. The Doctor and Rose took a minute to watch it, their hands clasped together, fitting like well-worn gloves. Then, as usual, the Doctor sprung into motion.

"Now! Rose, press the ancillary bypass on the rotomat dilator!" 

"What?"

"Pull that lever!"

"Right! Got it!"

And with that, they dashed around, Rose following the Doctor's instructions and picking it up quickly, just as she always had on the TARDIS. As they worked, she asked, "so, do you get to design the layout of the new TARDIS?"

"It usually just adapts to one's needs at the time. Why do you ask?"

"I just hope she knows we'll need a bigger bedroom! A nice, big, squishy bed too!"

"Oh, she knows!" The Doctor winked at her, and she laughed, as they continued, happily working, together.

_I am declaring this story complete for now. Not that I might not add to it in the future, but I'm out of ideas at the moment and I think this is a good place to leave off. I've got some other stories/series in the works, so stay tuned!_


	8. Regeneration

As the regeneration energy started to pulse in a golden light out of his hands, the Doctor eyes teared up, and an anguished expression filled his face.

"I don't want to go," he cried.

_He didn't want to go, because then he knows he will never see Rose again. And that's exactly why he had to die – he'd sent her off to someone else, his lucky doppelganger, and now his own chances of ever being happy with her are gone – there's nothing left for this regeneration to live for. Even when she was gone, before she'd come back, he'd had hope. He didn't try to get back to her – he didn't dare try, he knew it was supposed to be impossible. Nonetheless, he'd waited for her. He waited to see if, as always, something wonderful and impossible would just happen. He should have known that she would not be so passive. She'd once torn open the TARDIS with a tow truck to get back to him… why should a parallel universe stop her? But now, it really was impossible, not because the parallel was closed off, but because he'd chosen not to say those three words, had let the doppelganger take his place, because he knew it was better for her. And now he could never go back, because it would just confuse her and ruin his gift to her – a happy life. And that is why he had to die… he had no hope left. Even this chance to see her one last time, to see her beautiful smile, was both a wonderful gift and a horrible curse – because no matter how warmly she greeted him, almost like an old friend, she still didn't know him, he still couldn't open his arms and wait for her to fall into them like she had so many times before, and that, that, really killed him._

…..

Rose and the Human Doctor were happily working in the Torchwood sub-basement, tinkering with the console that was rebuilding the TARDIS. Already, in the middle of the circular space in the middle, a square frame, with the beginning of some blue planks of wood, was starting to sprout up from the floor. The Doctor said that it pretty much grew on it's own, but nonetheless they liked to come down here to check on its progress, to press buttons and pull on levers to feel like they were helping it along. That, and they liked this space more than their gorgeous, windowed, professional office space. This was more… them—not to mention more private (the work tables were often used for more than just "work"). Just the fact that there was a TARDIS growing in this space, that the room was filled with Time Lord tech, made it feel more like they were at home in the TARDIS itself, like the good old days.

They were standing around the console, chatting and laughing and smiling at each other in their lovesick way, when suddenly the Doctor groaned and bent over in pain. Rose reached out to support him.

"Doctor! Doctor, are you okay?"

He just groaned, trying to sputter out some words, but could barely get them out through the stabbing pain in his gut.

"I… don't… I can't…"

"Ssshhh, sshh, it's okay, we just have to get you up to the sick bay, that's all…"

The Doctor groaned in disagreement. He wasn't sure what they could do for him, and anyway, he didn't think he could even make it to the elevator. He gestured to the nearest work table and started to hobble over to it, with Rose's help. She helped him lay down on it, as he continued to clutch his stomach in pain.

"Doctor, please, tell me what's going on."

"Rose, Rose, I… I love you…"

"No, shut up, you're not dying, don't say that… just tell me what's happening to you."

"He's… he's regenerating…"

Rose just stared at him in shock. Her first thought was for the original Doctor, the idea that he would never again be in the same form that she had been so in love with. But she quickly dismissed that thought, to think of the man in front of her, the one she loved now. What did this mean for him?

"What… what will happen to you?" she said, as she began to cry.

"I don't know…" He reached up his hand to rest on her cheek, and look up at her face with tears in his eyes, drinking it in, in case it was his last look.

Suddenly, they saw the regeneration light that they were so familiar with.

"No!" Rose cried, "no! You can't!"

But the light was different. Instead of emanating outward from the Doctor, it seemed like it was appearing out of thin air, and being sucked into his skin. But just like a typical regeneration, it started with a light, eerie glow around his hands, and then his face. "Rose, stand back!" She backed up just in time, as the light exploded in a blinding burst. But, once again, the light was sucked inward, rather than exploding outward. Rose looked on in horror, terrified that it would kill him.

It was over as quickly as it began, and the Doctor lay on the table, still, with his eyes closed. Rose sobbed, and approached, running her hands all over his face and body, crying. "No, no, it can't be, oh god you can't leave me!" Suddenly, the Doctor gasped and sat bolt upright. Rose jumped back in shock, and then came forward and clasped her hand to his chest. His heart was beating like mad, but there was still just one.

The Doctor looked at her in confusion for a second and then back down, breathing rapidly. Suddenly his eyes shut as a flood of memories flashed through him. A desert planet and an abandoned bus. A Martian space station. Wilfred, and the Master. It was over in a second, and he opened his eyes.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, clutching his head.

"Doctor! Doctor, are you ok?"

"Oh yes," he smiled up at her.

"Doctor, what was that?"

"He regenerated, Rose. And the last thing he thought about, the last person he saw, was you…"

She froze.

"Do you remember? New Year's Eve, 2005?"

She froze, her heart beating rapidly. She remembered.

"He just wanted to see you one last time before he…"

"How do you know this?" Rose snapped, on edge. She didn't like to think about the original Doctor, because she worried thinking about him would make her own human Doctor, and her love for him, somehow less than… but now that that version of the Doctor is gone… he's gone!

"His memories since we split… they sort of came to me. That and…" he hesitated.

"And what?"

"And a bit of his soul. The bit of his soul… that loved you."

Rose stared, confused and anxious and emotional. The Doctor responded by reaching out to her, clutching at her face and pulled it close to his, looking directly into her eyes. Rose saw it, in his eyes, that bit of sadness that her Human Doctor always lacked. She gasped a little.

"There's an old Gallifreyan myth… I always dismissed it as an old wife's tale, a bit of superstition. Just like humans, each regeneration has its own unique soul… when that regeneration dies, the soul leaves the body and goes elsewhere, also like humans. The myth is that the soul travels to where it most desires to go. Normally the Time Lord soul just floats around in the ether, but this soul had a handy bio-matching receptacle to make it's home… a receptacle that happened to be right where it wanted to be… Rose…" he reached out and took her hand, and held it up to his lips and kissed it fervently. He looked at her with love in his eyes.

"What… what does this mean… for him?"

"It means he can move on… Rose, he was so haunted by having to leave you, and Donna… he was falling apart. He couldn't go on living like that, with the guilt, and the heartbreak, and the loneliness. Now he can start over… just like us."

He smiled, and she half smiled back, shaken by this emotional information. But she thought about how lucky she was, the incredible gift the Doctor had given her, this life she had now. She couldn't bear to think of the Doctor unhappy, and if he had to regenerate to find peace, and happiness, how could she begrudge him exactly what he had given her? She brightened up, vowing to come to terms with the idea that her old Doctor was gone. But she was lucky enough to him right here with her anyway.

"Come on, you," and she helped him off the table, as he was still a little weak and shaken. "Let's get you a cup of tea."


End file.
